Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Friday, 6 May 2011
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
It seems that our Yes campaign (without Clegg) is really beginning to work.
I'm sure that this is because of my principled decision not to share a platform with the disgraced and unpopular Nick Clegg.
I think it is so successful that I will do the same thing come the next General Election.
Saturday, 9 April 2011
Bit of a tricky time at the Chamber of Commerce Conference, when some know-all asked what business experience I had.
Luckily I remembered that my grandad had been a businessman.
Sadly he died before I was born, but I used to hear a lot about him from my dad, who constantly referred to the greedy capitalist old bastard. He must have been quite successful, though, as he left daddy enough so he could afford to be a Marxist.
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
I'm finally getting round to marrying the mother of my children, it will undoubtedly be the wedding of the year. I'm waiting for the phone call from "Hello", I've decided that £2 million would be a reasonable starting point for negotiations, and that I'll push towards five.
My mother nagged and nagged and nagged, so I asked my brother to be best man. He said, "You don't really want me, you're just asking to please Mamma!"
I said, "No, really, it's you I want. No-one else! It's you or it's nobody!"
He told me to fuck off, so there'll be no best man. Besides, I'm obviously the best man as well as the groom, I mean, who won the leadership contest?
Thursday, 10 March 2011
Just what I need, big brother Banana-man creeping out of the shadows to stir up trouble. Even that toffee-nosed git Cameron noticed and used it to make me look like a cunt.
If he was so fucking clever and brave, why didn't he knife the snot gobbler when he had the chance instead of pratting about with a banana?
And they say I'm weird!!!!!!!