Wednesday, 30 March 2011

The Wedding Of The Year!

I'm finally getting round to marrying the mother of my children, it will undoubtedly be the wedding of the year. I'm waiting for the phone call from "Hello", I've decided that £2 million would be a reasonable starting point for negotiations, and that I'll push towards five.

My mother nagged and nagged and nagged, so I asked my brother to be best man. He said, "You don't really want me, you're just asking to please Mamma!"

I said, "No, really, it's you I want. No-one else! It's you or it's nobody!"

He told me to fuck off, so there'll be no best man. Besides, I'm obviously the best man as well as the groom, I mean, who won the leadership contest?


Thursday, 10 March 2011

Brotherly Love My Arse!

Just what I need, big brother Banana-man creeping out of the shadows to stir up trouble. Even that toffee-nosed git Cameron noticed and used it to make me look like a cunt.

If he was so fucking clever and brave, why didn't he knife the snot gobbler when he had the chance instead of pratting about with a banana?

And they say I'm weird!!!!!!!