Just Can't Get Decent Staff These Days!

Just what do I have to do to get decent staff?
Sometimes it makes me quite cross.

Buzz

The West Lothian Question

People say I have not got any policy ideas, but I can tell you that I jolly well have!

I'm going to campaign to have all Scotch politicians banned from England!

I'll give the ungrateful bastards independence from England - from English pensions, for starters, especially for old failed political dinosaurs.

Buzz

It's OK, They Won't Remember What I Said!

"Come And Join Me On The Sofa - Look, It's Orange!!"

Today I'm reaching out to embrace the Liberal Democrats and ask them to join with me in the Beyond Nu-Liebore Progressive Party where sky-blue thinking and pushing the envelope with cutting edge political philosophy is in our shared DNA.

Luckily they are so self-centred and such political lightweights that they wont remember that only a few short months ago I was calling for the pig-thick electorate to eradicate them completely...

Buzz

New Liebore Candidate For Oldham

I am doing my very best to persuade Tony Bliar to stand for the election in Oldham and Saddleworth. I've pointed out that although it is a shithole it is not as bad as Sedgefield, with better beer in the working mens club. I told him, "Tone, I know you're a busy man, but you could work from home like Gordon does", but I don't think I've convinced him yet.

Maybe it's the new expenses regime?

Buzz

Nobly Drawing A Line To Protect His Family

I am truly humbled and impressed by the self sacrifice and nobility of David Cheater, who has pleaded guilty to fiddling his expenses in order to save his family the ordeal of being forced to tell the truth in court about his accounting errors.

Poor David has had a terrible time over the last few years, forced through circumstances to move house six times in five years. And losing his sainted mother, who was kind enough to rent him her hovel so he could claim expenses on it. It's no wonder he lost track of his mortgages!

Let's hope he gets the benefit of Ken Clarke's initiative to keep minor offences from clogging up the prisons, I'm sure there's lots of litter needs picking up which would be much more useful as well as being much less painful than having some hulking lout buggering one of our finest and most upstanding New Liebore politicians.

Buzz

Appeal Court Proves I'm Right (And David Is Wrong!)

A Donkey With A Red Rosette

Ha Ha Ha Ha! The Court of Appeal have thrown out weedy Woolas's appeal against being thrown out.

Not that I'm pleased to lose an MP, but it does show I was right in throwing the little weasel to the wolves - unlike my brother David, whose was supportive of the twerp.

Anyway, isn't Oldham the sort of place we can pin a red rosette on a donkey and get it elected? I thought that was exactly what we did with Woolas, actually.

Buzz

The Blair Brown Schism

People will keep banging on about splits in the New Liebore family.

I mean, really!! It's no more of an issue than the Sunni Shia thing, merely different parts of the same big happy Muslim family of brothers.

You might as well say there was a problem between my brother David and me!

Buzz

That Cameron Is A Nasty Bully!

Well, I hope that everyone noticed how horrible the Prime Minister was to me today.

This is a trick I used to pull when I was at school. All the other kids would pick on me saying I looked like a fucking weirdo, so I'd wait until some teachers were around and then burst into tears. This worked a treat, getting me sympathy and sometimes even a chance to warm up in the staff room, and the bullies would get detention.

Of course, I had to be careful on the way home.

This time I have to be careful at meetings of the PLP.

Buzz